13th Annual Golden Globes Haiku!
As you know you must stick to the format — and that is three lines, with 5, 7, 5 syllables in each respectively. Five for the first line, seven for the second and then five again for the third. We will select three winners. I’ll start.
Who cares if you lose,
But winning is everything.
Still only a Globe.
Who needs dialogue
Love and a bit with a dog.
That’s what people want.
Organs of fire.
Currents through best actor race.
I’ll take cold showers.
Your turn!
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Respect for the help
Some interesting actors
3D Scorsese!
Gervais will offend.
Movie star battle royale.
Globes for Scorsese!
Jokes that go too far
Actors squirming in their seats
What will Ricky say?
Ricky Gervais jokes
While actors who can’t stand him
Smile for cutaways.
Anthropomorphize?
Dragon Tattoo don’t play dat.
Feline postmortem.
Hollywood foreign
Trying too hard to impress
association
Ricky makes me squirm
Ladies of the Help should win
Brad Pitt by a nose
Beer-fueled stingers.
Laughing gas through the TV,
the anosmic crowd.
Pia Zadora
to Madonna’s Evita.
Hoping you win, huh?
The Tree of Life grows,
in the minds of all who see,
but the Globes are blind
Yes, the art is back
The decent and epic films too
But who goes and wins?
Pitt over Clooney?
Not with four nominations,
George is their mancrush.
Ricky Gervais rules
A terrific year for films
Pulling for Brooks win
Why can’t they see it?
Film is modern day magic.
Hugo: masterpiece.
Applause; rictus grins
from those more used to ass licks.
Bloated Globes. Who cares?
Silent films — No Sound!
The Artist has music score
Fraudulent gimmick
A Brit with vamp teeth
sucks the smiles from celebs’ faces.
Let’s hope for some more.
I don’t like this year
Step back and also too French
Globes please make more sense
Massive oversight
No Olivia Colman
Were they all asleep?
Whoops! A mistake.
Alteration:
Yes, the art is back
The decent and war films too
But who goes and wins?
The Artist will shout
Brad,Viola praise George,Meryl
Oscar could care less
War Whores, Albert’s Knob
Porn versions in production
Don’t forget Moneyballs
Midnight in Paris
Original Screenplay is
not enough for you
Woody Allen has
The highest grossing indie
About damn time yo
If The Help wins I’ll
Never watch the Globes again
All years this is said
Poor old star Glenn Close
Nominated for two Globes.
I think she’ll lose both.
the artist will sweep
another great win for streep
gervais falls asleep
What madness is this
When Angelina Jolie
Might win Foreign Film?
Between War Horse and
The Adventures of Tintin
Spielberg bought two Globes
I don’t really care
As long as Peter Dinklage
Wins EVERY award.
Golden Globes are lame.
Who are the HFPA?
Celebrity whores.
A Separation.
Win it all – Oscars coming…
Best film of the year.
Leo is so Golden
Sir Elton’s Gaga time
Two Wows are in for tonight
George R. R. Martin
Game of Thrones master mind
Best thing made all year!
Seacrest practices
vocabulary lesson
Ha-zahn-a-VISH-us
The Globes love Meryl
But tonight Davis will shine
Better luck next time
Ryan Gosling Ry-
Ryan Gosling Ryan Gos
-ling Ryan Gosling
Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep
Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep
Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep, Streep
Globes totally snubbed
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Coz it aint James Bond
“Yawn” best describes it
I don’t care if I don’t watch
Predictable crap
Beverly Hilton
Where I had lunch with Merv and
Barry Manilow
Pia Zadora
Is all ever need be said
About Golden Globes
Winners don’t matter
Thank you for the Alcohol
Makes Speeches Better
gotta love a year
when stories like Hung and Shame
rock with their cocks out
With Ricky Gervais
the Hollywood Foreign Press
gets a good buzz on.
If ratings go down,
GLOBAL financial crisis!
Next year’s menu: Shrimp.
Globes, the next morning:
Someone’s new tattoo isn’t
Dragon; it’s drunken
Shame Shame Puppy Shame
Ricky Gervais, is he the same?
Clooney thinks so!
^
love it
Artist wins again
Globes are merely a circus
The fucks I don’t give
Golden Globes my ass
You proved you have no balls when
Warrior was snubbed
You hired a troll
To host what was a good show
Bullies FTW
Why does Hollywood
Take these things seriously
Enough to attend?
Best Actor has George,
Leo, Mike, Ryan, and Brad
Women masturbate.
My Week with Mar’lyn,
They call this a ‘comedy’?
A ha ha ha ha!
Viola winning
Color boundaries breaking
Film future changing
Gold dust on the cake
Mara on the red carpet
Shiny night ahead
Yes, Rooney Mara
Most captivating of year
But old guard too strong
Harry Potter Snubbed
Best Film of Summer Awards
Do you not agree?
Just shut up OCO
You are not helping the cause
Best Film, period
Yeah, but Dancer4
They say HP is children
5 billion dollars
Globe for Best Actor?
Michael Fassbender will win,
though not by a nose.
Ah, they dress for us!
Lifted face and binded waist,
Hunt the golden balls!
There’s no cross over
With Globes and Academy
So who the hell cares?
The HFPA
Mystery writers and such
Throw a great party.
Ricky Gervais will
Both comedy and drama
Globally lampoon.
He needs no Help ‘cuz
With his brand of Artist-ry
He conDescends to all.
Daytime dreamers seek purpose
in the notable
movies with no extra parts
I can’t help wanting
Two to win in each one spot
Drive to go farther
I can’t abandon
Finding Descendants well told,
a family hold
Though iconic sights
Sway me to go with Hugo,
a part of me now
Things may quiver
singed by awkward rhetoric
some laughter and loss
If the eve deflates,
Recollections will abound:
Adrift in Paris
Michelle’s synthesis
drowning in Fassbinder’s eyes
Clooney on his path
Fassie and Mara
sitting in a Tree of Life-
we bury that tonite.
Come the chilly morn,
maids and iron ladies rise
in a black and white silence.
(last one)
Check the pulse early.
If all is going to the dogs,
watch Downton Abbey.
Where are the Muppets?
You know they had the best songs.
Undeniable.
The Artist
The Help
The End
Globe star fuckers have
a veritable gang-bang
Of Best Actor picks.
Clooney, Pitt, or Leo?
George is likely, upsets aren’t
Unprecedented.
This year’s comedy:
With they go for quality?
Just follow the cash?
Could Jolie win big?
Is her film even foreign?
Does anyone care?
Gervais is hosting
When he gets harsh someone should
Bring up Spy Kids 4.
Ricky means trouble
That is how you know though that
it’s an adventure
As Artist’s echo
Awards don’t need extra parts
To salute Hugo
Come and dream with me
I’ve mastered three smiles
Globes to Marty
Surprise of the night
Unfuckingbelievable
Congratulations
Oscar precursor
Unless you are Avatar
or Social Network
Sasha says Hugo
She really loves Scorcese
It ain’t happening
Awards Overkill.
But Gervais and booze make the
Globes interesting.
Viola can’t lose
On birthday #82 of
Martin Luther King
Not a precursor
Foreign journalists decide
Who to party with!
Does anyone here know
If there will be live streaming?
If you do, please post!
My dream Globes round up:
Fassbender, Mara, Artist,
Hugo, Scorsese.
It’s the Foreign Press.
Prime minister beats a maid.
Meryl takes the Globe.
Win Win did not get
A nom, as King George would say
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
Jessica Chastain
My new favorite actress
Too bad she won’t win
I thought I was working blue
Until I read Ryan Adams haiku.
(not a haiku but i got a rhyme in)
Once upon a time
Picture shows were lacking sound
Silent shines again!
Hoping Ricky G
Serves the cake and eats it, too
Censorship or not.
Must remember this:
Oscar gold is not in sync
Time for Tree of Life?
I miss the old days
when we watched the award shows
without the hi def.
lol @ ^
(I miscounted with the syllables on one of my haikus, here’s the revised version.)
If ratings go down,
GLOBE financial crisis!
Next year’s menu: Shrimp.
The Skin I Live In
Puss N Boots chopped boy’s peepee
El Zorro de Loco
(Miscounted again on that last one, it should read…)
The Skin I Live In
Puss N Boots chopped boy’s peepee
El Zorro Loco
Great puzzle today
Did you watch the Golden Globes?
Who *does* vote for them?
This is quite embarrassing, I’m having trouble with the number of syllables in the word “financial.” There’s really just 3, so the first haiku I wanted to replace should be retained. So, whatever… Should’ve just put fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck like the other guy did. Much easier to count.
Streep stole from Davis
And Tin Tin stole from Rango
Uggie stole the stage
Rogan’s erection
Fassbender golfs with his wang
Clooney said he’s small
Globes is now over
It’s time to predict Oscars
Hope Drive wins it all