From The Atlantic:

1. Zero Dark Thirty (accompanying article worth the read)
2. Lincoln
3. Beasts of the Southern Wild
4. The Avengers
5. Moonrise Kingdom
6. The Master
7. Silver Linings Playbook
8. The Cabin in the Woods/Seven Psychopaths
9. Amour
10. Frankenweenie

Honorary mention: Argo, Brave, Compliance, The Dark Knight Rises, Django Unchained, Life of Pi, Looper, Les Miserables, Rust and Bone, Rise of the Guardians, The Sessions, Skyfall

More of their awards after the jump.

The Big Things Come in Small Packages Award: Beasts of the Southern Wild

The Small Things Come in Big Packages Award: The Hobbit

Best Dog: Sparky, Frankenweenie
Runner-up: Woola, John Carter

Best Dog Thief: Sam Rockwell, Seven Psychopaths
Runner-up: Ben Mendelsohn, Killing Them Softly

Breakthrough Performer: Scott McNairy (Argo, Killing Them Softly, Promised Land)
Runner-up: Jason Clark (Zero Dark Thirty, Lawless)

Movie You’re Least Likely to See on an Airplane This Holiday Season: Flight
Runner-up: The Dark Knight Rises

Best Earrings: Moonrise Kingdom

Worst Hair: Rock of Ages

The Maybe We Should Give American Moviegoers More Credit Award: Piranha 3DD (U.S. Gross: $376, 512; Global Gross $8,117,216)

Best Hat: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

Best Cravat: Christopher Walken, Seven Psychopaths

Best Lapels: Everyone, Argo

The Hoo-ah Award for Most Blatant (But Almost Certainly Successful) Bid for an Oscar: Anne Hathaway’s “I Dreamed a Dream” scene from Les Miserables

Best Homoerotic Frisson: Skyfall

Creepiest Portrayal of a Korean by a Non-Korean: Hugo Weaving, Cloud Atlas
Runners-up (tie): Jim Sturgess; James D’Arcy; Ben Whishaw; Hugh Grant; Jim Broadbent; Keith David, Cloud Atlas

Most Erotic Manipulation of a Man by a Woman: Kristin Scott Thomas, The Woman in the Fifth
Least Erotic: Amy Adams, The Master

The Miraculous Transformation Award: James D’Arcy as Tony Perkins in Hitchcock

Baddest Santa: Alec Baldwin, Rise of the Guardians

Lamest Vronsky: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Anna Karenina

Hottest Anything: Channing Tatum, Magic Mike

Best Tiger: Life of Pi

Best Bear: Brave

Worst Werewolf: Dark Shadows

The “Wait, A Heroine Died of Tuberculosis in a Musical—and I Didn’t Direct It?”Award: Baz Luhrmann

The “Wait, Someone Got to Do Multiple Scottish Accents—and It Wasn’t Me?” Award: Mike Myers

Best Young Actor Playing an Old Actor: Josh Brolin as Tommy Lee Jones, Men in Black III
Runner-up: Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Bruce Willis, Looper

Best Sleigh: Rise of the Guardians

Worst Sleigh: The Hobbit

The Marijuana Could Save Your Life Award: The Cabin in the Woods

The Alcohol Could Ruin It Award (tie): Flight, The Master, Smashed

Best Soundtrack: Django Unchained

Worst Soundtrack: Battleship

Worst Textual Analysis: Bradley Cooper on Hemingway in Silver Linings Playbook
Runner-up: Dennis Quaid on Bradley Cooper in The Words

Best Joke About George Washington and a Water Closet: Lincoln

Worst Running in a Straight Line: Charlize Theron, Prometheus

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  • JJ

    I still can’t believe Ridley Scott- the master of recutting/refining his own films – hasn’t fixed that Charlize/running debacle. Heinous! But I love that movie for all that it is – and all that it isn’t.

  • Worst Running in a Straight Line: Charlize Theron, Prometheus

    I just lolled on the loo.

  • AdamL

    I can’t be the only one who gets mildly annoyed when someone’s “top 10” turns out to be a top 11. Why is it so difficult to split films? If it is so difficult and you absolutely have to have two #8s, then the next one is #10. Not difficult. And The Avengers? Really?

  • JamDenTel

    I’m glad to see a top 10 list finally include the wonderful Seven Psychopaths; I’m just sorry it had to come in below the hugely overrated Beasts of the Southern Wild.

  • Nic Cage

    The Avengers, huh? And honorary mentions to Brave and TDKR?

    Plus, these categories seem like things you come up with when you are bored on a long road trip.

    Thanks for this post; now I know for certain that I cannot take the Atlantic seriously.

  • PaulH

    An unexpected pleasant surprise. Yes, The Avengers. It scored a pittance at the domestic and intl ticket window; just a combined $1.5b, which I choose to attribute to people enjoying it. We got this right.

  • PaulH

    ^^^ Oh, and 92 on Rotten Tomatoes. So the critics loved it as well. 🙂

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