That’s actually fucking, no fooking, but we try to keep our PG-13 rating around here.  Josh Olsen will not read your fucking script.  He just won’t do it.  And here are the great reasons why not. Olsen lays out what it’s like to have even moderate success in Hollywood — friends want you to read their scripts, work needs you to read the potential scripts and when friends are involved, your opinion really counts.  So what do you do if major suckage occurs?

Most people get that. But sometimes you find yourself in a situation where the guilt factor is really high, or someone plays on a relationship or a perceived obligation, and it’s hard to escape without seeming rude. Then, I tell them I’ll read it, but if I can put it down after ten pages, I will. They always go for that, because nobody ever believes you can put their script down once you start.

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Although there aren’t many reviews out there, a few have tweeted their responses to the new Judd Apatow/Adam Sandler movie, Funny People

“Funny People” is a kind of epic in the realm of selfish, scabrous, pissed-off comedian movies. Stunningly good.

“FP” deepens, darkens, challenges and up-ends the Apatow brand. “Waahh…I want my usual meatloaf fix of stoner-slacker humor!” – Jeff Wells, Hollywood-Elsewhere

Just got out of an early screening of Funny People, and its a homer for Judd…
To expand slightly…Funny People is the most emotionally honest movie Apatow’s done, and his funniest…10 slots might equal a Best Pic nod – Joey Magidson, The Award Circuit

FUNNY PEOPLE was an abject disappointment. Almost no emotional resonance. Really enjoyed the supporting trio of Hill/Schwartzman/Plaza, tho. – Mark Graham, whatevs dot org.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1lOiy3j-K0[/youtube]

Looks beautiful — and probably too subdued for Oscar. But let’s never loose sight of the fact that awards coverage involves more than the Oscars. We have the Spirit Awards and various critics groups to consider, too, and their choices are often more in line with individual personal taste than the Oscars. Andrew O’Hehir, Salon, says it’s “a profoundly American film that’s nonetheless rooted in the European tradition of improvised, lo-fi naturalism”:

There’s plenty of dramatic incident in “Ballast,” including a couple of shootings and Marlee’s attempt to resurrect the defunct family store, and the acting of Hammer’s nonprofessional cast is impressive. But audiences primarily in search of plot will be frustrated, because the central experience of the film is visual and emotional. Violence and tenderness alike are dwarfed by cinematographer Lol Crawley’s wintry wide-screen landscapes, and the film’s adults will have to join forces to prevent James from disappearing into them.

Sounds exquisite. Poster after the cut.

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Variety’s Todd McCarthy doesn’t quite know what to make of Charlie Kaufman’s Synecdoche, New York – he seems to be saying that it is admirably ambitious yet a painful sit. Either way, it looks strong on writing and acting:

Despite the general air of unpleasantness and anxiety, and the general feeling that the film, like Caden, could explode from overloaded circuits at any moment, Kaufman’s venturesome dramaturgy and compelling writing scene-by-scene are enough to keep one’s curiosity piqued. Significantly crushed by illnesses, the drudgery of life and his failures with women, Caden doesn’t seem like the genius he sees himself as, and the inspiration triggered by the sudden blessing of complete artistic freedom may also be only a figment of his imagination. Whatever the case, Hoffman embodies him completely, forcing the audience to share his every physical and emotional wound.

Swiped this from Poland’s The Hot Blog:

It looks a little weird, a little funny, a little Charlie Kaufman. And I’m thinking it’s going to need a lot of love from critics if it’s to be hoisted onto the awards circuit. No one else writes the way Kaufman does, at least no one who regularly works and sells scripts. There are probably plenty of weird, interesting scripts floating around this town and yet they’ll never be seen. Kaufman has wedged his way in and now there’s no replacing him. But we need more daring writers like this here in the US. He’s sort of a Terry Gilliam meets Woody Allen meets Samuel Beckett.

One of my favorite filmmakers, Spike Lee, was out in rare form at the Cannes film fest talking about the whitewashing of black soldiers during WWII as he prepares to release Miracle at St. Anna – October release date?:

Lee said: “There were many African-Americans who survived that war and who were upset at Clint for not having one [in the films]. That was his version: the negro soldier did not exist. I have a different version.”

He was speaking at a press conference in Cannes, where he gave the world premiere of an eight-minute trailer for his latest feature film, a war drama with which he hopes to set the record straight.

Miracle at St Anna is an epic story about members of the all-black 92nd Buffalo Division, which fought the Germans in Italy.

While refraining from using the word “racist”, Lee said that rewriting Second World War history was typical of Hollywood. The Dirty Dozen was among the few films that showed the contribution made by African-American soldiers, he said. White heroes played by John Wayne and other Hollywood stars had until now overshadowed the sacrifice of brave heroes of colour who laid down their lives for their country, he added.

“Here’s the paradox,” he said. “These African-American men wanted to fight against fascism in the name of democracy. At the same time, they were still second-class citizens.” Although Lee emphasised his respect for Eastwood as a film-maker, he claimed that the director had been told of the African-Americans who fought at Iwo Jima, and had chosen to ignore that “information”.

I’m going to be so all over this movie. I can’t wait. Lee is one of the few true American originals. Sure, he kinds of fell off the rails for a while but even when he was bad his films were still interesting. Do the Right Thing is a masterpiece. Go Spike go.

Charlie Kaufman gets to chatter away in this Q&A about his new movie Synecdoche, which will screen for all at Cannes later in the week. So what’s it about? Well, you know, it’s a simple story really:

THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER: I HEARD THE SCRIPT STARTED OUT AS YOU WANTING TO WRITE A HORROR FILM FOR SPIKE JONZE, BUT THEN YOU BEGAN DISCUSSING SOME OF THE DREAMS YOU’D BEEN HAVING …

Kaufman: … I think the impetus was to think about things that were scary to me — which may always be the impetus for me, I don’t know — not what’s marketable scary. Then I just spent a few years writing it and it kind of evolved into what it became. In a general way, it’s about the experience of going through life, and heading toward the end of it. The movie follows this character for 40 years, and it’s about people’s losses and death and fear of death and intimacy and relationships. Romance and regret and struggle and ego and jealousy and confusion and loneliness and sex and loss — all those things are in the movie. I wanted it to be an all-inclusive experience of a person’s life. It’s this guy’s world.

And they ask him, Hey Charlie, why so reclusive?

Kaufman: The first thing people will say to me in interviews is that you don’t do interviews and I’ll say “Well, I’m sitting here talking to you!” I don’t particularly like to be photographed and I don’t like to talk about my personal life — that doesn’t make me a recluse. My feeling is that my work speaks about my life in ways that are very generous. I want to protect the privacy of people I know and of myself and I’m not interested in that kind of celebrity. I find it unappealing and scary, but I’m not a recluse. I live a regular mundane life in Los Angeles. Don’t know what else to say except I’m not here cowering in a corner. I don’t have a veil over my head. I don’t say “I vant to be alone.”

I can attest to the mundane part as I’ve actually seen him a few times in and around Los Angeles, once at an ice skating rink, of all places. He wasn’t hiding but he seemed relaxed in a way that only people who can go unrecognized can.

As the commenters are pointing out, Vicky Cristina Barcelona isn’t getting so many bad reviews as it getting good ones and Penelope Cruz, in particular, is looking like a standout. Woody’s films have always had a knack for winning Oscars for supporting roles for women, so don’t be surprised if Cruz ends up at the top of the list. Here is Todd McCarthy from Variety:

Cruz, who officially graduated from sex kitten to powerhouse melodramatic actress in “Volver,” is in full Anna Magnani mode here, storming up and down mountain peaks of emotion and captivating everyone in the process. Allen even generates affectionate comic mileage from the common rap on Cruz’s acting–that she’s great in Spanish but blah in English–by having her deliver Maria Elena’s colorful tirades in her native language, only to be told again and again by Juan Antonio to speak English so Cristina can understand her. She’s dynamite here in either language.

Richard Corliss of TIME Mag is impressed:

Well, maybe not in that empyrean, but arguably in the ballpark. It’s hard not to feel warmly toward Allen after VCB, his first vital movie since Match Point three years ago (we quickly throw the veil of oblivion over Scoop and Cassandra’s Dream), and maybe his most engaging large-scale effort since, let’s say, Crimes and Misdemeanors nearly 20 years ago. It doesn’t percolate with the inventive comic situations or quotable one-liners of the films that established his meta-movie credentials, Annie Hall and Manhattan; but, like them, this one is about people whose jobs are incidental to their real vocations of falling in love and messing things up. With seven major characters, five of whom have affairs during one Spanish summer, VCB is a God’s-eye view of the thesis that “only unfulfilled love can be romantic.”

And again for Ms. Cruz:

We’ve saved the most vibrant character for last: Maria Elena, which Penelope Cruz turns into one of her boldest, fullest characters. A painter so sexy that Juan Antonio’s father still has erotic dreams of her, Maria Elena had been Juan Antonio’s muse, competitor and wife; their turbulent marriage ended when she tried to kill him. Of course she shows up, once her ex has set up house with Cristina, allowing Allen to run further amorous permutations. A darkroom kiss between Cruz and Johansson is probably Allen’s most direct expression of romantic-sexual connection.

Whenever Bardem or Cruz are on screen, VCB finds its heart. It sees them as fully in tune with their feelings: totally willing, and why not?, to act on impulses they’ve learned to trust. The Americans are children by comparison, a little stiff, so conditioned to overanalyzing every attraction that they would lose the moment — if only there weren’t a Don Juan Antonio to send seismic shivers up their consciences.

For Bardem and Cruz, I can’t wait to see this. I’m a little over Ms. Johansson, I’m sorry to say, and it isn’t really her fault – she’s overexposed at this point, sadly.

Woody Allen’s latest movie is a soft core porn you’d see on Showtime?  Slashfilm has a first look at Vicki Christina Barcelona with the following synopsis:

And the last photo we bring you from Festival De Cannes, is our first official look at Woody Allen’s next film Vicky Cristina Barcelona about two young American women, Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson), who come to Barcelona for a summer holiday. Vicky is sensible and engaged to be married; Cristina is emotionally and sexually adventurous. In Barcelona, they’re drawn into a series of unconventional romantic entanglements with Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem), a charismatic painter, who is still involved with his tempestuous ex-wife Maria Elena (Penélope Cruz). Of course, all of this is set against the luscious Mediterranean sensuality of Barcelona. The official plot synopsis lists a 96 minute running time and calls the movie “Woody Allen’s funny and open-minded celebration of love in all its configurations…”

The French are going to love it.  And let’s face it, with all of that eye candy going on it will be nearly impossible to avoid.   Still, I gotta say, after all of these years it’s not easy for me to get down with the eroticism in Woody’s work.  He’s an auteur and thus, he’s exploring his own thoughts and that just kind of creeps me out.  He’s already pondered death, adultery, fame, love, morality, justice, therapy, religion – not much left to ponder, I guess.  Either way, I’m just sort of MEH on this one.

Jennifer’s Body, Diablo Cody’s follow-up to Juno, is shooting now with it-girl of the moment, Megan Fox. Pictures just appeared on Celebutopia (you may have to register to see them) – she’s got some kind of thingies on so that it’s not technically nekked. I don’t think this one has Oscar written all over it – not because of the nudity (Oscar loves naked young women) but because of the plot (which I kinda like, gotta admit, perhaps it’s my inner rage):

A newly possessed cheerleader turns into a killer who specializes in offing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?

Cinematical took a closer look at Jennifer’s Body a while back, off the Latino Review’s Script Review.

NSFW pic after the cut.

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The AP reports that the new Coen Bros. joint will open the most romantic festival of the season, the Venice Film Fest at the Lido (truly one of the prettiest places in Italy) on August 27.  According to Variety, Working Title released Atonement in Venice and look at how that turned out?  No Country launched from Cannes, which is probably why it’s not a great idea to launch Burn After Reading, which is probably not an Oscar movie (though never say never).

I don’t know if many caught the awkward moment where Diablo Cody snatched the winner’s envelope out of poor, stoned Harrison’s Ford’s hands as the actor was trying to console her or congratulate her or something – but Ms. Cody, wrecked with tears and a slit-to-the-hips dress, simply rebuffed Ford. Cody, it has been announced, will write a memoir about her trip from the midwest as she became a blogger, quit her marketing job to create the Diablo brand (blogger/stripper turned screenwriter). She will write about her experiences on the road to Oscars — something tells me Ms. Cody will have her revenge on the haters. ONTD posts the USA Today story:

Cody doodles again: Diablo Cody, who walked away with an Oscar for best original screenplay for Juno, has gone from critical and alternative darling to blogosphere-backlash bait overnight. Consider it juicy fodder for the stripper-turned-screenwriter’s next book. Cody, who flashed tattoos and a leopard-print gown at Sunday’s ceremony, will re-live her Hollywood triumphs — including Oscar night — in a new, untitled memoir due from Gotham in 2009. “It’s about a geeky girl from the Midwest who moves to Hollywood and her adventures writing screenplays,” says Gotham’s Beth Parker. This will be Cody’s second memoir. Her first, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper (Gotham, $14, paperback), recounted her days in a Minneapolis strip club.

I find the whole “Oscars through the eye of a hipster blogger” thing a little unsettling, I’m not sure why. It freaks me out. Maybe it’s just too close to home or maybe it’s really an “us and them” type situation. Either way, looking at Cody’s MySpace with her Oscar and her caption of the nominees labeled “nominizzles” is just so strange.