This one is a couple of weeks late, but it’s too annoying to let slide. You may have seen the TV ads for Horton Hears a Who, proclaiming this jaw-dropping review excerpt: “One of the best animated features of all time!” It’s one of those BILLBOARD-SIZE BLURBS with the teensy-weensy miniscule ultramicroscopic attributions at the bottom. I had the ad on Tivo but no matter how many times I replayed it, I couldn’t make out which critic was making this claim.
So I reached out to consult an official source:
Politely inquiring with the utmost of tact,
I contacted Horton and asked, “Is this fact?”
“I’ve searched and I’ve Googled, I await your reply,
I need to discover who’s spreading this lie.”
When Horton found out his review was in doubt
he immediately messaged me back with a pout.
“I’m telling you Ryan, I haven’t a clue.
If you’re so fucking suspicious, go ask a damn Who.”
(Clearly the question was making him squirm
and the last thing we need is a pissed pachyderm.)
Perusing the Seuss shelf with my “girlfriend,” um… Tiffany,
Fox in Socks caught my eye and I had an epiphany!
Eureka!
That’s it!
Fox News is not blameless!
A shill is a shill, no matter how shameless!
Sure enough, Google maps out two crooked trails that match this questionable quote:
“This is one of the best animated pictures ever,” Fox distribution president Bruce Snyder said.
But that’s not quite the quote the TV ad uses. And how crass would that be? to quote the Fox distribution president! Nope, it had to be something more subtle (but not by much):
“One of the best animated features of all time!”
– WWOR-TV, NYC (Marian Etoile Watson)
I guess I don’t have to point out that WWOR is a Fox affiliate. Whew, mystery solved. I know, I know, “Nice work, Sherlock,” and all that. I fully understand this kind of thing is commonplace, and I usually shrug it off. But seriously, I wouldn’t bother if they didn’t try to be so shifty about Who’s praising Who, so to speak. Anyway, I’m not the only one to notice the really gauche force-feeding of this movie to kids and families. It’s no reflection on the quality of the film (which I haven’t seen) but it’s just something that got under my skin — and coming from the Fox hole doesn’t exactly help assuage my aggravation.
The March 14th release date for Horton should’ve been our first clue: Beware the Frauds of March.
At one point I thought I was the only person who was funny enough to write stuff like this.
Actually Ryan, I was REALLY surprised with “Horton”. I normally can’t stand these new Seuss films (Cat In The Hat, the Carrey Grinch, etc.) and I fully expected this one to follow suit, but it was one of the most enjoyable screen adaptations of a Seuss book I’ve ever seen. I definitely agree it is not one of the greatest animated films of all time (hell, I even like “The Jetsons Movie” better than this one. that’s personal though), but its WAY better than watching Mike Myers castrate his integrity in the guise of children’s entertainment. God, that just made me think of that shitty movie he’s about to put out, “The Love Guru”. Ugh. Have you seen that trailer?
Congrats! Who’d have thought that they would advertise like this? After all, this is America right? No so such thing happens here, right? Oh gosh, maybe he’s right and someone will actually believe that this is greatest movie of all time. The media has no right to instruct people, I agree completely. I still can’t believe that false advertising exists here. Thanks for waking me. I truly appreciate it. Maybe this website should post
“Beware the Impertinence of Awardsdaily”
LOL. Your poem is absolutely awesome, Ryan.
I thought it was absolutely great… but absolutely not one of the best of all time.
Terrific essay by Ryan here; ironically the film did well at the BO, but a great animated film it is not, but still reasonably enjoyable. My young brood, however thinks otherwise, as they all loved it. Go figure!
lolness indeed. I have not seen the film, don’t really want to, but may be forced to by the younger members of my family.
Seussical wordage! Ha.
That poem was hilarious.
The funny thing about those blurbs, that even if I can’t fully read the names, by having seen the same names over and over again, I can tell who it is. I need a life…..:)
That’s so funny. I did like the movie, though. I mean, you know, lowered expectations and all.
You may have seen the TV ads for Horton Hears a Who, proclaiming this jaw-dropping review excerpt: “One of the best animated features of all time!”
-Oh God, no this is NOT.
Ahahahahah