The Oscars, the Films and everything in between.
“You fellas thanked God, right?”
“It was a Warner Bros film, not a Weinstein Co.”
“No, I mean GOD!”
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Nicholson: Now listen, boys. One of these days I’m not going to be around to hit on the new young starlets and you’re going to have to do it.
Heslov: Yeah, that’s not gonna work for me.
Clooney *chuckles* *keeps smiling* *chuckles*
Affleck: *twitches* ILOVEMYWIFE! *insane giggle*
Jack: “Quick, pull my finger.”
yeah well my envelope said lincoln, but I thought, you know ladies first..
Jack: “I’m serious, Clooney. Unless you three plan a career delivering gold, frankincense and myrrh, lose the beards.”
“It did said Brokeback Mountain that year, that’s why they called in Michelle Obama to open the envelope this time: I like to screw things up, I would have read ZeroDarkThirty and fuck you for good”
Remember, fellas. Fame is fickle.
And, Ben, I’m especially looking forward to Gigli Part II.
You guys and Paul Haggis owe me one. Now let’s go party you lucky Sons of Bitches!!
And Ben, thank your lucky stars you weren’t nominated for director, because if you were, you wouldn’t have this Oscar.
To bad katheryn BIgelow did not get nominated.
Jack: I followed Jennifer Lawrence into the ladies’ bathroom. Care to smell my finger?
“You guys better get upstairs. Steven will be expecting his sacrifice now…”
Jack: “Remember guys, the after Oscars party orgy is at my house. You heard it from Mark Wahlberg.”
Jack: One quaalude usually does the trick.
Jack, Ben, George and waiter.
PHOTOSHOP – Putting you in the same photo as famous people since 1995.
Heslov to self – “I need some sunglasses to go with this beard”.
George Clooney smiles, knowing Grant Heslov has fallen for the old eeny-meeny-miny-mo trick once again.
“What if this is as good as it gets”?
Later that night, the drunk producers of Oscar winner “Argo” found themselves at the Hollywood Wax Museum.
“Have you guys heard about the new Kate Winslet (Little Children, The Reader) film, Labor Day, coming out sometime in 2013? I hope she wins another Oscar!”
“So I says to him, ‘Roman, I don’t care what you do, but I don’t want to explain another weird stain to the police.'”
Jack Nicholson: “That was a neat trick you three stooges pulled off. Robbing ‘Lincoln’ off the best picture Oscar. Heck even ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ was a better film”
As he hears this Ben Affleck’s expression becomes serious.
Jack: You didn’t expect that did you, seeing Mrs. Obama up there, oh by the way I voted for Life of Pi.
Affleck, Heslov, Clooney: Hahahaha, yeah right Jack. Your so funny. We know you voted for us. But that was pretty cool to see the first lady.
Affleck, Heslov, Clooney: Jack, you voted for us, right?
Jack: Come on, guys! I don’t vote. I have a sex life.
The caption could be the same as here – http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3r7pdx/
jack: they insisted the first lady should be up on a screen and not on stage because they were scared I’d make a move on her.
… and from that angle all I could see were those bangs …
You know…I once had a girlfriend who looked like you.
Let me tell you boys something I learned last weekend, if you make a mistake and double up on those little blue pills you’re gonna be just like this, in the upright and locked position for 3 three days.
Jack: “Step 1…go fuck yourselves.”
Jack: “People still say, ‘Jack, Five Easy Pieces is your best work.’ The best work I’m going to do is on the ONE easy piece who just won best actress.
Jack: “And this is the little finger that did all the work around town.”
All three: “Whoooooooaaa.”
Jack: “Yup, this finger has touched so many in my life: Anjelica Huston, Lara Flynn Boyle, Jennifer Garne—Lawrence.”
Jack: “Rememba! Yhou!…aw my numba one!…GUUUUUYS!”
. . . and THIS little piggy has 3 Oscars.
Jack: “You wanna know what’s been behind these sunglasses all these years? Argo fuck yourself…with respect…
Jack: “Grant, the Oscar makes you look taller.”
Jack: “Seriously congrats on your win boys but did you see Ang’s face when I walked out to present best picture? He KNEW it was happening again!”
Jack to George: “I AM YOU TOMORROW!”
Jack: So…. are you guys trying to match beards or do you just want to be taken really seriously? Because I never had to don a beard. Shave that crap off! Except you, Heslov! We all know what’s under there!
No, seriously, boys, one. If they hadn’t nominated someone who was still in elementary school, of course it would be zero.