Fox’s Scream Queens is the love it or hate it sensation of the Fall TV season. In a year where most new shows have disappointed, Ryan Murphy’s ode to horror camp has completely delivered on what it promised to be: a trashy camp fest where the body count is surpassed only by the one-liners. To honor that feat, here’s a handy listing of our favorites to keep you warm as we head into an off-week thanks to the World Series.
Scream Queens returns with new episodes on November 3.
13. “We have a side boob mixer, followed by a white party, where everyone is encouraged to be / wear white.” Gigi (Nasim Pedrad)
12. “I love all that death stuff. I got my first boner watching Faces of Death.” Chad Radwell (Glen Powell)
11. “Wow. Those cotton balls do not provide much energy, do they?” Chanel #3 (Billie Lourd)
10. “Look, Chanel, I’m going to be honest with you. I’m sort of over this whole ‘serial murderer’ thing that’s going on right now. Last night, I had an amazing threesome with Roger and Dodger, and I realized that I’d rather focus my attention this semester on getting spit-roasted by hot golf frat twins than help you figure out who’s murdering a bunch of dumb gashes!” Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin)
9. “I’m sorry, did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt? Nobody likes a suck-up, Chanel #5.” Chanel (Emma Roberts)
8. “I’m as skinny as Karen Carpenter in the morgue and Chad Radwell still won’t commit to me. I may die at the end of a serial killer’s blade but I refuse to die hungry.” Chanel (Emma Roberts)
7. “I will avenge your face stabbing, baby girl!” Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash)
6. “OK look, I was waiting to talk to you about this because secretly I was hoping you’d be killed and I wouldn’t have to hurt your feelings. I just don’t think it would work out with us. You’re nuts. And not like a typical crazy-ass co-ed but ‘wake up with my penis in a jar’ lunatic. Now that puts me in a tough spot because that also means you’d be the screw of my life. I mean that kind of insanity means your muffin is like Space Mountain levels of fun. I love Space Mountain. Best ride at Disneyland. But I love my penis more.” Chad Radwell (Glen Powell)
5. “That’s my sister and she’s no bitch. But I am.” Chanel (Emma Roberts)
4. “Everybody wants to get with this. Women. Men. Animals at the zoo. Plants probably.” Chad Radwell (Glen Powell)
3. “I’m going to kill you now.” “Wait whaaaaa.” Text conversation between the Red Devil and Chanel #2 (Ariana Grande)
2. “Hey, Jennifer, could you hop off the spectrum for just a second?” Chanel (Emma Roberts)
1. “I love boning girls all over this great land, but, at the end of the day, I really just want to bone one special girl. I just didn’t think that girl was you, because, obviously, there’s so much wrong with you. But, then, I think about the good things about you, like how gullible you are and how rich your dad is; and when I think about that girl — the really rich one who’s easy to trick — I think she’s pretty special too.” Chad Radwell (Glen Powell)