The never-seen Melody has become the “Stan” of Broad City. (Will & Grace fans will recall that while Karen Walker’s husband was often mentioned, he was never seen.) The only presence of Melody, Abbi’s roommate, is in the form of her boyfriend Bevers, who stays there all the time despite having his own place (he’s even known to develop couch sores).
In “Citizen Ship,” BC finally addresses the elephant not in the room and puts Bevers and Melody’s relationship front and center via a dinner cruise.
Better Call Bevers
The episode starts with Jaime sitting solemnly on a bench, ala Woody Allen and Diane Keaton in Manhattan. Abbi, Ilana, and Lincoln approach him, desperate to find out whether he passed his immigration test. He starts to tear up, telling them he’s being deported before pulling a cha-chinga. He’s just kidding. He passed the test.
Abbi tells him, “Tonight is going to be a night you’ll never forget.” They’re going on a cruise around Ellis Island (“Our ancestors passed through Ellis Island” – Ilana “Mine didn’t” – Lincoln), courtesy of Melody, who put them on the list via connections through her office.
Melody! The elusive Melody, would finally be (kind of) making an appearance. When they get to the check-in station of the boat, the woman checking them in quickly scans the list before saying no—there’s no Abbi with an “I.” Then, she finally finds Abbi on the list, but three additional guests were not confirmed. In order to get on the boat, Abbi fakes an elaborate scenario with Ilana (“Your mom died two weeks ago, Chrissy. Get your shit together”), and the check-in girl basically says f*** it and lets them on.
The ship is like “Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous, and Hipster.” There are the usual businessmen (“[My daughter’s] born in Q3 of ’12, so she’s 11 quarters old”) and clueless dudes that live in Murray Hill, but are moving to Williamsburg.
While they’re in a long bar line, Abbi and Ilana offer to wait it out for Jaime’s indecipherable drink, until they spot Bevers, but no Melody (she’s taking a doody). However, Bevers knows the ins and outs of the ship (“The Captain is a murderer”) and takes them below deck where they sneak into the compartment filled with all of the drinks.
You’ll Never Listen to Jazz the Same Way
“I’ve got moves you never seen,” says Bevers, in the exact same tone as Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding, from which the line comes from.
However, soon they get stuck. The door won’t open. Bevers can’t even jimmy it with Abbi’s Starbucks gift card that still has $17 on it; he ends up destroying it in the process (“Maybe you should start supporting local businesses”).
Soon, Bevers starts to open up to them, on everything from what “jazz” is (“I like to call it jazz because it comes out of my horn and you never know where it’s gonna go”) to his future with Melody. When he brings out some shrimp he stowed away via his pocket, Bevers has a big reveal: There’s a ring on one of the pieces. Bevers was going to propose to Melody.
Abbi is shocked. But Bevers thinks it makes sense; after all, they’ve been dating for 12 quarters (or three years). Plus, they live together, which Abbi quickly negates. When Bevers sees that Abbi looks disturbed, he thinks it’s because she’ll miss him. Then, he asks Abbi to be his best man.
“But you have like three brothers?” – Abbi
Soon, Ilana is putting in her advice.
“You guys are young to be locking it down.” – Ilana
But Abbi recognizes this statement’s effect on Bevers and quickly tries to do damage control. They HAVE to get married. That means he’d move out: “She is your lock and key. Marry her. Get a new apartment. Go for it.”
Then, Ilana reveals that she and Lincoln haven’t had sex in four days. What does that mean?
“Do you think Lincoln and I are like a couple?” – Ilana
“He’s either your boyfriend or your best friend.” – Abbi
The last statement causes Ilana to slap Abbi. Her only best friend is Abbi! Ilana panicks when she realizes she’s no longer a sexual X-Men like Wolverine, but that she’s actually in a relationship.
As Ilana wails in agony, a random seaman finds the crew and lets them out. But not before he gets locked in there himself (“No! No! My insulin!).
Abbi IS the Best Man
Abbi and Ilana make a beeline for Jaime and Lincoln, who’ve been doing their impressions of Titanic and thinking about which Spice Girl they’d be (Fun Fact: Lincoln would be Posh).
In an effort to demonstrate their relationship as purely sexual, Ilana grabs Lincoln and declares that they’re going to do it right now: “P to P. Pubes to pubes.”
Like the three little bears, they look for places to do it, but can’t find one. Everyone on board (including the sassy check-in girl) is getting it on. When they return to the compartment where Abbi, Bevers, and Ilana had been locked, they discover the seaman jazzing himself off.
Back above deck, the cruise DJ stops all of the dancing to make an announcement.
“Ladies and gentleman. We’re going down. I’m kidding. There’s a love emergency.” That’s right. Bevers is going to propose right then and there, despite his misgivings. Abbi is trying to convince him to do it. Finally, he takes the stage and spots Melody (of course, we can’t see her) and speaks a bunch of gibberish before declaring that Abbi is transitioning into a man and that he’s so proud of her.
Abbi looks shocked, and yet, this gag is fitting this season. Just last week, someone called her a “him” when she was stuck in the hole, and weeks before, she pegged a guy. In an effort to help Bevers, Abbi admits it’s true. She’s becoming a man.
Later, alone on the side of the boat, she confronts Bevers. Why did he have to say that? Bevers wants her to talk to Melody who’s not doodying in a bathroom stall, but crying. She’s embarrassed. She thought he was going to propose.
Abbi reluctantly agrees and standing outside of a bathroom door, tells Melody that Bevers is not her cup of tea, but he cares about you.
“I would love for someone to love me like that.” A rare, serious moment on Broad City.
But it’s just a moment. Ilana is on the other side of the door, responding with. “I do!”
When she opens the door and sees Ilana and Lincoln in their skivvies, Abbi asks if they were having sex. Lincoln admits they were just wiping up.
“So Much Jazz”
Soon, they return to the upper deck and spot Bevers. Even though Abbi has not talked to Melody, somehow B man and his gal pal have made up—and boned in a lifeboat (“So much jazz”). Just then, Jaime gasps. They’re passing the Statue of Liberty. Poor Lincoln doesn’t get to enjoy it, though, because Ilana aggressively grabs him by his horn, so soon after sex.
What did you think of “Citizen Ship”? Can you tell what Jaime is saying? Do you think Lincoln is too good for Ilana? And what are the chances Atticus and Poppi (from last week’s dog wedding) are already divorced?
