Girls ‘Home Birth’ Recap: New Birth Plans for Everyone!

Well, Girls fans, we’ve come to the end of season 4. Although doesn’t it feel like these 10 episodes packed two seasons’ worth of storylines? In the season finale, the series wrapped up in an uneven fashion, with some girls striking out on their own, Elijah being MIA, and a whole lot of Caroline (more than we all probably ever wanted to see).

Bad News for Lydia

Good news for Shosh: She finally got a job. Except there’s a catch: It’s in Japan.
Aidy Bryant (who makes her second appearance on cable TV this week—the first being Broad City) plays the enthusiastic interviewer, telling Shosh that the Japanese language is easy to learn (It’s just “four sounds that you loop around and put together”). Although when Shosh asks her if she’s ever been to Japan, she admits that she hasn’t—although she’s Skyped with people in Tokyo.
Shosh looks uneasy. But the interviewer assures her she can do it. Lydia, who is currently holding the position, is bipolar, so she’s going to be fired the minute she’s on a manic upswing. Shosh will need to let them know ASAP.
Later, on a date with Scott, Shosh breaks the news to her would-be boyfriend. Immediately, without any consideration, Scott tells her not to take the job, to stay with him in New York and he’ll give her a job with his company. He wants her to move in.
“I’m going to be in love with you soon,” he says, which may be one of the worst statements ever said on a television screen.
Following the date, Shosh goes to see Ray at his coffee shop. She needs advice, but instead runs into Hermie (Colin Quinn). When she explains her situation, he tells her a job in Japan isn’t a bad deal.
“Be the walker, not the dog,” he says.
Then, Hermie quotes Sheryl Sandberg. “This is your Lean-In moment. You don’t want to be dependent on some guy, some nerd. If this guy’s worth his salt, he’ll be waiting for you at the airport when you return.”
“You are very strange,” says Shosh. “But you are very wise.”
As much as this advice is great to hear for Shosh (nobody wanted her to stay for Scott), I wish one of the other girls would have offered this advice, instead of, you know, a dude. It would have been a more powerful scene, and frankly, statement for women.

Desi Has Some ‘Splainin’ to Do

While doing music business at Ray’s coffee shop (because apparently Marnie likes to twist the knife), Marnie talks marriage with Spike Jonze, the label president who’s courting the She & Him knock-off. When Desi goes to settle up the check, he asks Ray something.
“Are we solid? Sometimes I get the sense there’s some tension or a bad line.”
The mere fact that Desi says “Are we solid?” is enough to cause bad tension with anyone, and soon the cracks in Ray’s iron-clad façade suddenly start to surface.
“You’re not going to get that assurance from me because I fucking hate you,” says Ray.
Desi wonders if this is because he’s all Pacific Northwest and Ray is all Bostonian, but Ray explains that this isn’t about geography. This isn’t the fact he has eye-liner on his face. It’s about his music sense being insufferable and most crowds thinking “douche” when they see him.
“If we just take a minute and put our hearts together, I think we’ll both find that we’re not all that different,” says Desi. I think Desi works best when he closes his lips and puts them in his fiance’s ass cheeks.
Ray brings up Marnie, and Desi gets volatile when he starts talking about his woman.
“She is a beautiful, fully formed woman, maddening in her mystery,” says Ray. And Desi is not good enough for him.
After getting his ass handed to him in so many words, Desi still offers to pay the check, but Ray tells him to keep his fucking blood money.
Who knew that Ray could spook someone, because as it turns out, this was enough to prevent Desi from showing up for sound check at his and Marnie’s show, which had a slew of bloggers ready to tweet and Tumblr for them.
At the show venue, in perfect makeup and showtime hair, Marnie leaves a voicemail for Desi. She’s worried.
“He’s probably just around the corner,” Marnie tells Spike Jonze.
“Let’s just hope he didn’t Jeff Buckley,” he says.
More time passes, and Spike Jonze is getting pissed.
“This is pretty fucking disappointing,” he says, and Marnie starts to cry, just as Ray shows up. Everyone is hoping Desi is still alive (really?).
Just as Marnie’s about to bow out, Ray tells her to do it herself. Marnie doesn’t want to. After all, these are Marnie and Desi songs (i.e., bag of dog shit).
And then, in the cheesiest line of the night, Ray says: “All that matters right now is that you keep the music alive. That’s what Desi would want.” RIP, Desi.
Spike Jonze offers to play backup guitar for her. He’s pretty good.
Marnie says, “I’m pretty good, too.” Which, yet again, is a girl power moment, if only the girl’s power didn’t stem from the words of a man. Marnie plays a song with the lyrics “something in the air tonight,” but it doesn’t involve any thundering drums or Phil Collins.

“If There’s Ever a Time Not to Be Pathetic, It’s Now”

The episode begins with Hannah emerging from a red door, exiting the high school from which she works. She looks pale and faint as she sits herself on a ledge overlooking the courtyard. Like the sweet Diet-Coke-version-of-Matt-Damon that he is, Fran follows her to check up on her.
“I think I’m having a panic attack,” says Hannah.
Soon, she opens up to Fran about her personal problems, with Fran offering his shoulder to cry on.
As Hannah head into her apartment later, she hears moaning coming from Laird’s. Here, Caroline is about ready to give birth, naked and sitting in a tub, ready to self-doula (although Hannah is pretty sure it’s illegal to self-doula.) At this point, Caroline is all about love and experiencing every moment of child birth.
Outside of the bathroom, Hannah tells Laird that they’re crazy for doing this. Then, Adam walks into the apartment and goes straight to the bathroom to see his naked sister in a bathtub (Might I just add that I was surprised by the lack of an “ew” factor from Adam upon seeing his sister that way. But then again, it’s Caroline, who I’m pretty sure has never been in an episode of Girls where she hasn’t been naked). Adam, in the most Adam way of saying things (which means loud and bombastic), says that this is the dumbest idea that ever happened. Hannah agrees. After what seems like way too long to see your sister naked, Adam finally tells Caroline to cover her boobs. Laird intervenes, saying that he and Caroline have it under control. And while Adam and Hannah think she should get to the hospital, Caroline refuses to distance herself from the beautiful and natural process that is birth.
“So would you have open heart surgery in your living room?” says Adam.
Laird relates it to a Tom & Jerry episode, before Adam scolds Laird and Caroline admonishes Adam for scolding the father of her unborn child.
Eventually, Jessa shows up for the home birth and asks what Caroline’s pussy looks like and whether Hannah or Adam saw it. Adam, finally giving into the ew factor of the situation, says no—it’s his fucking sister.
Laird comes out of the bathroom worried. Something’s not right. Caroline’s moans are not normal. When Adam and Hannah once again talk about getting her to the hospital, Laird says no, that goes against her birth plan.
“I’m going to take the stuff Michael Jackson took to sleep,” says Hannah, on what her birth plan would be.
They all venture to the bathroom. Caroline thinks the baby is breach and the sweet, sunny, everything-is-awesome disposition from before is gone, especially when she tells Laird to stay the fuck away from her. In order to figure out what’s going on, Jessa pulls her hair back and takes a peek at Caroline’s vaj in the bathwater. She thinks she sees a leg. They better get her to a hospital. Caroline refuses, saying she’s going to deliver the baby like a teenager in the heartland.
In an unlikely move, Jessa steps up and gives Laird a pep talk. He’s going to have to man up and get his wife to the hospital (even if they aren’t married and Laird only wears the ring because it makes him feel good).
“If there’s ever a time not to be pathetic, it’s now,” says Jessa.
The new birth plan is to get Caroline out of the tub.
Soon, Laird emerges from the bathroom, carrying a very wet and naked Caroline. Once they hit the streets of New York, thankfully, they throw a robe on her, and the four of them (Jessa, Hannah, Adam, and Laird) carry her down the street like a human stretcher.
Luckily, they get to the hospital in time, and Caroline delivers a baby girl named Jessa-Hannah Bluebell Poem. After relishing in being named after a baby, Jessa heads home and announces to Shosh that she wants to be a therapist. Shosh tells Jessa she’s going to move to Japan.
“You’ll make a good geisha,” she says.
Meanwhile, in some of the loosest hospital security ever, Adam and Hannah hold vigil over baby Bluebell in her incubator. Adam tells Hannah that Mimi-Rose and him are over. Hannah says she thought he really cared about her, but Adam thinks he was just confused and made a mistake. He misses Hannah so badly.
Adam reaches out over the incubator to Hannah, but Hannah doesn’t reach back.
“I can’t do that,” she says.
“Please,” says Adam.
“I can’t.”
“Yeah, you can.”
“I can’t.”
Realizing that it truly is over, Adam takes back his hand.
Later, Hannah calls her mother and tells her how she just saw a baby being born, although her mother seems to be having some issues of her own.
“I’m fine,” Loreen says. “The sad part is, I don’t have a future.”
Hannah wants to talk to daddy.
But before we listen in on this conversation, the scene changes and “Six Months Later” flashes on screen. It’s wintertime, and the snow is falling. Hannah and Fran are holding hands, walking down the street, before stopping to kiss.
This epilogue was a little troubling. While Hannah rebuffing Adam was a good move, it felt very forced to flash-forward six months later and give Hannah some sort of princess-y happy ending (she HAS to get the guy). The episode could have ended with Hannah talking to her father, with everyone’s lives still in suspension. The little epilogue at the end felt pretty contrived.
What did you think of “Home Birth”? Are you excited for Shosh to say konnichiwa to Japan? Would you want Jessa as a therapist? Is Desi really dead? And is this the last we’ve seen of Adam?

You may also like


Comments are closed.

Sign In

Reset Your Password

Email Newsletter