Last Night on Ru: Drag My Wedding!

Ladies and ladies, we’ve hit the top six! And as Darienne Lake would say, “Any little slip can take you out of this game.” Which is why girlfriend was throwing banana peels everywhere.

For this week’s mini-challenge, RuPaul asked the queens to cover their bodies in paint to create a “Twerk of Art” inspired by marriage equality. These ladies, grinded, twerked and humped their canvases. (Do these mini challenges actually mean anything anymore? Did they ever? The only thing that it did provide was the opportunity for Ru to make artist puns throughout the entire sequence. “Andy Whore-hall!” “Georgia O’Queef!” “Very Tyra Banksy!”)  Ru asked each of the queens to talk about their work of art, and Bianca del Rio won the mini-challenge.

For the main challenge, since Bianca won for her twerk of art, she got to pair up the queens with future brides who needed makeovers before their weddings. Easy enough, right? Only when Bianca paired up the queens with the ladies, she was actually pairing the final six up with these women’s future husbands. The challenge was to turn THEM into women and the women into grooms. (Did anyone really expect a basic female makeover challenge? “Drag U” was canceled, hunties.)

It’s a wonder how these men got roped into this challenge, since none of them looked particularly stoked to be there. Was it a part of an outlandish prenuptial agreement? A favorite part of the annual straight-dude-makeover episode is when the queens bond with the heterosexual queens-in-training.

“It’s refreshing to hang around someone who’s straight, without any hangups,” said Bianca on his partner for the challenge.

Meanwhile, Darienne Lake had her work cut out for her. Her partner wanted a goth wedding and uttered this little gem of a quote to Mama Ru: “If Jim Morrison was going to be a drag queen, it would be me.” You could see in Ru’s eyes that she regretted not doing background checks on these contestants. People are strange.

You’d think that Joslyn would have a leg up on the other queens since her groom was a slim, soft-faced basketball player, but he seemed incredibly uncomfortable. (Understatement.) Joslyn also seemed to be channeling last week’s abortion obliviousness in not seeing how awkward this groom actually was.

Meanwhile, Adore can barely put together sentences, let alone do sewing, which she repeatedly reminded her bride and groom. Although the groom noticed Adore’s lack of styling skills. “That looks like a thrift store wig,” he said. Coming from a straight dude, that comment had to sting for Adore. Yet, it still explained about all there is to say about her style.

This challenge comes up every season. Whether the contestants are making over veterans or female cage fighters, this is an episode to wait for. In addition to training these guys how to sissy their walk in heels and give serious face, the queens have to be able to translate their look and essence to another person. It’s not easy, and sometimes the top competitors can land in the bottom. It was fun to see the queens act motherly as they walked their “daughters” down the aisle.

As they processed down the runway, it appeared that two guest contestants looked familiar. BenDeLaCreme’s drag daughter, Suzette a la Mode, kind of looked like a young version of Vicki Lawrence, and Darienne’s goth child, Ann Drogyny, could pass for a dark alley version of resident judge Michelle Visage. Neither of them looked as bad as Adore’s bride, however. Honey Bun Delano seemed to be inspired by a water-logged Courtney Love. His face looked bloated, and his dress was BUSTED. Each of the men met their bride at the end of the runway (also dragged out in tuxes, natch), and seeing their reactions to their guys all dragged up was very cute and endearing. The men towered over their future wives even more.

RuPaul allowed all of the couples to exchange their own personal vows on the runway. It felt like this challenge had a higher purpose than drag queens running around and throwing shade towards each other. One of RuPaul’s signature phrases is “Everybody say love,” and it truly felt like a celebration of commitment on the runway. In a way, it felt like progress. Even though there were no gay people getting married on this week’s episode, it was oddly gratifying to see couples willing to put themselves in drag on national television to get married. (Oh, if the gays could get hitched on “The Amazing Race” soon! Progress, people, progress!) The presence of married guest judges Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka also enhanced the matrimony theme. The two of them huddle together comparing notes was adorable (one of the best moments of the episode was when Neil and David sat at attention when Ru called for silence).

When it came to the critiques, everyone had opinions about everyone. Joslyn Fox’s daughter, Bradonna Fox, got read for her metallic makeup job and ill-fitting wedding gown. In the middle of the presentation, Bradonna got sick and had to leave the stage to vomit (season 4 contestant Willam must be pissed that he’s not the only person to do that now). Bradonna, a basketball player, had expressed some concerns that he would get teased or called out for getting into drag on national television. No other guest contestant had ever spoken so candidly about being uneasy. Although he really should have shut his trap, because he got married on national television—it probably didn’t cost him a dime–something he could throw in his friends’ faces if they decided to be narrow-minded. Courtney was told that her mother of the bride was too flashy for her daughter’s wedding. Her nude dress covered in butterflies was a knockout, and a favorite of guest judge Neil Patrick Harris.

Fifi del Rio looked almost exactly like Bianca. One of the things Ru told the queens for this challenge was that she expected a strong family resemblance, and Bianca’s daughter could legitimately pass for her sister. It was like I was seeing two Patti LuPone impersonators right in front of me (by the way, where is THAT reality show?!). It was no surprise that Bianca won the main challenge (that makes three wins for Ms. del Rio). Darienne and Courtney were also safe.

Joslyn and Adore fell into the bottom two: Joslyn, because she forgot to give Bradonna some Pepto, and Adore, because her family’s drag execution was similar to puke. They lip synced to Aretha Franklin’s “Think,” and they both worked the stage. Adore kiiiind of scuttled around like a possessed character from The Grudge, but she wasn’t going down without a fight. In the end, Adore sent Joslyn home (NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!), but it will be a good day when she is told to sashay away.

Shade of the Week:
“Courtney only wears ChapStick and mascara.” –BenDeLaCreme on Courtney’s potential difficulty to apply her naked aesthetic.
“Don’t throw water on that Gremlin. Cause he will multiply.” – Bianca Del Rio, throwing shade at one of the grooms.