Thanks to Roger Friedman (and every other critic with eyes connected to a cerebral cortex) I can save the 8 bucks I would’ve thrown away on Wolverine to throw away later on G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra.
To balance out the superficiality of my interest being a lot more stimulated by Channing Tatum than by Hugh Jackman, I can honestly say I like the way cinematographer Mitchell Amundsen shoots action flicks. Transporter 2, Transformers, Wanted. No matter what you think of these movies plotwise, shotwise they gleam with a wet sexy gloss. Speaking of wet sexy gloss, Amundsen is now shooting Jonah Hex, and if you missed the photos of Megan Fox being ogled and ewwed over this week, you can find a couple after the cut.
(see, this clickable tease is what’s known as an “Easter Egg” and I guarantee you it’s more fun to see than whatever various “bonus” FOX claims to be planting after the credits of Wolverine.
Fans of Wolverine who watched the online leak of the film won’t miss one thing by skipping the theater — they’ll miss at least two. Director Gavin Hood says the theatrical version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, due out Friday, features two different “Easter egg” endings. The short bits of footage play after the credits and reveal important information about key characters. Hood says the two endings play on separate prints, so different theaters may show different footage. (USA Today)
Oh noes! Wait, I mean “Who cares?” I don’t mind waiting two days to see these super-special extras posted on youtube, instead of paying twice for the privilege. If you want some instant gratification to Marvel at, check out Megan Fox’s 12-inch Barbie doll waist on the next page.
Some cherry-picked raspberries for Wolverine:
Altogether unfathomable, if not unbearable. (Dallas Observer, Robert Wilonsky)
A conclusion that’s only a little more satisfying than a projector breakdown. (The Onion (A.V. Club), Keith Phipps)
Slice-and-dice superhero fiasco. (New York Daily News, Joe Neumaier)
My brain glazed over. (Wall Street Journal, Joe Morgenstern)
There’s an implicit threat in the title “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” It’s the suggestion that there are lots of X-Men, and each one has an origin, and that this is just the first of a potentially endless series of X-Men movies – each one doing what this one does: boring audiences with go-nowhere action sequences… (San Francisco Chronicle, Mick LaSalle)
So… is this post about G.I. Joe, Wolverine, or Jonah Hex? Does it really matter? Do any of these movies deserve a dedicated post of its own? I’ll post more about Jonah and Joe, but I hope this is the last thing you’ll see on the main page about Wolverine.
22 Responses for "G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra"
The trailer doesn’t get me that excited but I’ll see G.I. Joe anyway.
Ryan, I have two words why this is gonna suck.
STEPHEN SOMMERS
That dick has practically ridden his whole career on the first THE MUMMY, but his sequel, VAN HELSING….he’s like trying his best to outdo Rob Cohen at being Rob Cohen. Who coincidentally directed that last (lame) MUMMY movie where somehow Jet Li loses a fight to George of the Jungle.
Oh and DEEP RISING sucked too, though it was cool that Treat Williams got a leading actioneer role. That was nice.
I mean VAN HELSING, about a family of vampire hunters who’ve never killed one of those blood suckers in centuries, yet Jackman kills one easily within 5 minutes.
Fail.
Stephen Sommers is a hack – I can’t believe it, but I’d actually rather watch the Michael Bay and McG films this summer. Though, Ryan I think you’ve convinced me to stay away from Wolverine.
Well why bother with WOLVERINE after most of its would-be viewers already saw the work print?
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
You rather see Bay than Sommers? Yikes.
Oh Baynito Michaelini is Hack Auteur maestro himself. Wasn’t it SOUTH PARK who argued there is no God because Bay is still making movies?
Well there was a God for THE ISLAND sinking at least. Thanks man.
I mean, Bay makes big explosions and gunfights boring. HOW THE FUCK DOES SOMEONE MAKE EXPLOSIONS AND GUNFIGHTS BORING?
Anyone ever heard how Bay tried in the 1980s to DNA prove that he was John Frankenheimer’s illegitimate son? Man if that test had been positive and Frankenheimer saw say ARMAGGEDON…
I would fear that he would have died some years sooner.
I still owe Stephen Sommers for giving me Jason Scott Lee as Mowgli in The Jungle Book. I’m his indentured servant for at least two more movies.
At least?
Man Ryan, get a Catholic to self-mutilate in your place.
Wow, some of those special multi-million dollar effects look downright awful and cartoony. Take that, box office obsessed Hollywood. And I didn’t see Joseph Gordon-Levitt anywhere
btw Sienna Miller, despite everything, looks great.
Anyone else really distracted by the excessive CGI in that trailer? There’s wet and sexy gloss, and then there’s two dimensional fakery. It might as well be advertised as a cartoon. And when was the last time these people ever saw glass being smashed; why do they think windows shatter into hundreds of perfect triangles as soon as someone comes in contact with it, with all the fragments exploding on their own gravity defying trajectory. And what was happening with the Eiffel tower, metal doesn’t just disappear.
I like mindless exploding violence as much as the next guy, but it is always more thrilling and interesting if it doesn’t look like it was devised by a 12 year old boy who can’t remember the last time he left the house.
It doesn’t look like there is going to be any quality blockbuster on a par with TDK, Iron Man, or Bourne or Bond this summer. Star Trek might be alright but I’ve never been a fan. At least some quality drama is making it out – hopefully Public Enemies will be up to scratch.
EDIT: sorry, took a long time post, didn’t see #7.
I don’t know what’s up with that accelerated green rust, Euan, but I’m thinking it’s a metal-eating molecular-acid thingy of some kind that will be explained with fictional science.
Star Trek, on the other hand, will rock. I feel confident.
Looks passe not even retro (Matrix effects are so 10 years ago) but it has Channing Tatum! <3 <3 <3
Ryan, if you think STAR TREK is gay enough for ya, its gay enough for me.
I just got back from Wolverine and here’s the Easter Egg that I got: (SPOILERS)
Stryker gets picked up by MP’s for questioning into the death of the General.
I hope Star Trek gets things going.
Thanks Zac. Sounds exciting. Maybe the special effects weren’t complete?
hey, I feel bad for Megan Fox that nobody has anything nice/snarky/raunchy to say about the photos above.
Star Trek got flawless reviews from Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. 100% at Rotten out of a very early 16 reviews. 16/16. Yes, you heard it here…Star Trek top earner in 2009. Yes, even over Transformers II and Harry Potter. I believe it will have stronger legs than the other two ( ala The Dark Knight ) and last in theaters longer.
I believe there is plenty of room during this silly summer season for a pletora of action movies to thrive; Wolverine premiered here this weekend, but I am not sure I want to spend the 10 euros to go see it; This, on the other hand, gets me curious. Apart from the green rust eating up the Eiffel Tower, which looked terrible, all the rest is A+ (for what it is – a blockbuster action movie) – and Channing. My Channing. My 2nd love. After my husband, Javier. How could I miss it?
Either way, both Wolverine and GI Channing will be in my blu-ray collection when they eventually are released. These films were made for HD heaven.
I am so looking forward to Star Trek!
T.
the chance to see Sienna Miller as the baddy is good enough to have me in the seats!
Tufas Sad Panda – Oh Channing is your love? you didn’t see FIGHTING then? I did.
RRA, never heard of unconditional
lustlove?about those Wolverine easter egg endings, theres one before credits roll where Stryker is picked up, and then two way at the end after the credits, either one of which you get depending on the print:
1. Wolverine in a bar drinking, bartender asks “are you drinking to forget?”, Wolverine replies “no, to remember”
2. Deadpool decapitaded body reaches out of the rubble of three mile island, reaches for his head, his head (still alive) breaks the fourth wall, looks at the audience, and says “shhhh!”
Wolverine makes 87 million. Way better than I expected. I thought the leak backlash would have hurt it’s box office but was I way wrong.
Dan – Yeah but notice that on Saturday and Sunday figures, the mother fucker dropped hard. I guess word of mediocre mouth spread like Herpes by then.
I predicted 70, if for the massive workprint leak, but hey I was wrong too. Though I read somewhere that Fox thought it was gonna do 130 million.
What shit is Fox smoking to seriously believe that?
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