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G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra

Posted by Ryan Adams On April - 30 - 2009

Thanks to Roger Friedman (and every other critic with eyes connected to a cerebral cortex) I can save the 8 bucks I would’ve thrown away on Wolverine to throw away later on G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra.
To balance out the superficiality of my interest being a lot more stimulated by Channing Tatum than by Hugh Jackman, I can honestly say I like the way cinematographer Mitchell Amundsen shoots action flicks. Transporter 2, Transformers, Wanted. No matter what you think of these movies plotwise, shotwise they gleam with a wet sexy gloss. Speaking of wet sexy gloss, Amundsen is now shooting Jonah Hex, and if you missed the photos of Megan Fox being ogled and ewwed over this week, you can find a couple after the cut.

(see, this clickable tease is what’s known as an “Easter Egg” and I guarantee you it’s more fun to see than whatever various “bonus” FOX claims to be planting after the credits of Wolverine.

Fans of Wolverine who watched the online leak of the film won’t miss one thing by skipping the theater — they’ll miss at least two. Director Gavin Hood says the theatrical version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, due out Friday, features two different “Easter egg” endings. The short bits of footage play after the credits and reveal important information about key characters. Hood says the two endings play on separate prints, so different theaters may show different footage. (USA Today)

Oh noes! Wait, I mean “Who cares?” I don’t mind waiting two days to see these super-special extras posted on youtube, instead of paying twice for the privilege. If you want some instant gratification to Marvel at, check out Megan Fox’s 12-inch Barbie doll waist on the next page.

megan1

megan2

Some cherry-picked raspberries for Wolverine:

Altogether unfathomable, if not unbearable. (Dallas Observer, Robert Wilonsky)

A conclusion that’s only a little more satisfying than a projector breakdown. (The Onion (A.V. Club), Keith Phipps)

Slice-and-dice superhero fiasco. (New York Daily News, Joe Neumaier)

My brain glazed over. (Wall Street Journal, Joe Morgenstern)

There’s an implicit threat in the title “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” It’s the suggestion that there are lots of X-Men, and each one has an origin, and that this is just the first of a potentially endless series of X-Men movies – each one doing what this one does: boring audiences with go-nowhere action sequences… (San Francisco Chronicle, Mick LaSalle)

So… is this post about G.I. Joe, Wolverine, or Jonah Hex? Does it really matter? Do any of these movies deserve a dedicated post of its own? I’ll post more about Jonah and Joe, but I hope this is the last thing you’ll see on the main page about Wolverine.

Casino Online



22 Responses for "G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra"

  1. Karen April 30th, 2009 at 9:03 pm 1

    The trailer doesn’t get me that excited but I’ll see G.I. Joe anyway.

  2. RRA would review GI JOE (if Senor Adams decides not) April 30th, 2009 at 9:13 pm 2

    Ryan, I have two words why this is gonna suck.

    STEPHEN SOMMERS

    That dick has practically ridden his whole career on the first THE MUMMY, but his sequel, VAN HELSING….he’s like trying his best to outdo Rob Cohen at being Rob Cohen. Who coincidentally directed that last (lame) MUMMY movie where somehow Jet Li loses a fight to George of the Jungle.

    Oh and DEEP RISING sucked too, though it was cool that Treat Williams got a leading actioneer role. That was nice.

    I mean VAN HELSING, about a family of vampire hunters who’ve never killed one of those blood suckers in centuries, yet Jackman kills one easily within 5 minutes.

    Fail.

  3. SaltireFlower April 30th, 2009 at 9:21 pm 3

    Stephen Sommers is a hack – I can’t believe it, but I’d actually rather watch the Michael Bay and McG films this summer. Though, Ryan I think you’ve convinced me to stay away from Wolverine.

  4. RRA is voting Cobra in '12 April 30th, 2009 at 9:29 pm 4

    Well why bother with WOLVERINE after most of its would-be viewers already saw the work print?

    WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA

    You rather see Bay than Sommers? Yikes.

    Oh Baynito Michaelini is Hack Auteur maestro himself. Wasn’t it SOUTH PARK who argued there is no God because Bay is still making movies?

    Well there was a God for THE ISLAND sinking at least. Thanks man.

    I mean, Bay makes big explosions and gunfights boring. HOW THE FUCK DOES SOMEONE MAKE EXPLOSIONS AND GUNFIGHTS BORING?

    Anyone ever heard how Bay tried in the 1980s to DNA prove that he was John Frankenheimer’s illegitimate son? Man if that test had been positive and Frankenheimer saw say ARMAGGEDON…

    I would fear that he would have died some years sooner.

  5. Ryan Adams April 30th, 2009 at 9:37 pm 5

    I still owe Stephen Sommers for giving me Jason Scott Lee as Mowgli in The Jungle Book. I’m his indentured servant for at least two more movies.

  6. RRA Joe: Rise of the Nerd April 30th, 2009 at 10:40 pm 6

    At least?

    Man Ryan, get a Catholic to self-mutilate in your place.

  7. Magaly Solier April 30th, 2009 at 10:42 pm 7

    Wow, some of those special multi-million dollar effects look downright awful and cartoony. Take that, box office obsessed Hollywood. And I didn’t see Joseph Gordon-Levitt anywhere :(

    btw Sienna Miller, despite everything, looks great.

  8. Euan April 30th, 2009 at 11:01 pm 8

    Anyone else really distracted by the excessive CGI in that trailer? There’s wet and sexy gloss, and then there’s two dimensional fakery. It might as well be advertised as a cartoon. And when was the last time these people ever saw glass being smashed; why do they think windows shatter into hundreds of perfect triangles as soon as someone comes in contact with it, with all the fragments exploding on their own gravity defying trajectory. And what was happening with the Eiffel tower, metal doesn’t just disappear.
    I like mindless exploding violence as much as the next guy, but it is always more thrilling and interesting if it doesn’t look like it was devised by a 12 year old boy who can’t remember the last time he left the house.
    It doesn’t look like there is going to be any quality blockbuster on a par with TDK, Iron Man, or Bourne or Bond this summer. Star Trek might be alright but I’ve never been a fan. At least some quality drama is making it out – hopefully Public Enemies will be up to scratch.

    EDIT: sorry, took a long time post, didn’t see #7.

  9. Ryan Adams April 30th, 2009 at 11:05 pm 9

    I don’t know what’s up with that accelerated green rust, Euan, but I’m thinking it’s a metal-eating molecular-acid thingy of some kind that will be explained with fictional science.

    Star Trek, on the other hand, will rock. I feel confident.

  10. bambi April 30th, 2009 at 11:38 pm 10

    Looks passe not even retro (Matrix effects are so 10 years ago) but it has Channing Tatum! <3 <3 <3

  11. AwardsDaily Origins: RRA May 1st, 2009 at 12:08 am 11

    Ryan, if you think STAR TREK is gay enough for ya, its gay enough for me.

    :)

  12. Zac May 1st, 2009 at 1:46 am 12

    I just got back from Wolverine and here’s the Easter Egg that I got: (SPOILERS)

    Stryker gets picked up by MP’s for questioning into the death of the General.

    I hope Star Trek gets things going.

  13. Ryan Adams May 1st, 2009 at 1:55 am 13

    Thanks Zac. Sounds exciting. Maybe the special effects weren’t complete?
    ;-)

    hey, I feel bad for Megan Fox that nobody has anything nice/snarky/raunchy to say about the photos above.

  14. Vince May 1st, 2009 at 3:15 am 14

    Star Trek got flawless reviews from Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. 100% at Rotten out of a very early 16 reviews. 16/16. Yes, you heard it here…Star Trek top earner in 2009. Yes, even over Transformers II and Harry Potter. I believe it will have stronger legs than the other two ( ala The Dark Knight ) and last in theaters longer.

  15. Tufas Sad Panda May 1st, 2009 at 4:12 am 15

    I believe there is plenty of room during this silly summer season for a pletora of action movies to thrive; Wolverine premiered here this weekend, but I am not sure I want to spend the 10 euros to go see it; This, on the other hand, gets me curious. Apart from the green rust eating up the Eiffel Tower, which looked terrible, all the rest is A+ (for what it is – a blockbuster action movie) – and Channing. My Channing. My 2nd love. After my husband, Javier. How could I miss it?

    Either way, both Wolverine and GI Channing will be in my blu-ray collection when they eventually are released. These films were made for HD heaven.

    I am so looking forward to Star Trek!

    T.

  16. Casey May 1st, 2009 at 11:16 am 16

    the chance to see Sienna Miller as the baddy is good enough to have me in the seats!

  17. G.I. Joe: Rise of the RRA May 1st, 2009 at 11:30 am 17

    Tufas Sad Panda – Oh Channing is your love? you didn’t see FIGHTING then? I did. :)

  18. Ryan Adams May 1st, 2009 at 11:35 am 18

    RRA, never heard of unconditional lust love?

  19. Erik May 1st, 2009 at 1:59 pm 19

    about those Wolverine easter egg endings, theres one before credits roll where Stryker is picked up, and then two way at the end after the credits, either one of which you get depending on the print:

    1. Wolverine in a bar drinking, bartender asks “are you drinking to forget?”, Wolverine replies “no, to remember”

    2. Deadpool decapitaded body reaches out of the rubble of three mile island, reaches for his head, his head (still alive) breaks the fourth wall, looks at the audience, and says “shhhh!”

  20. Dan May 3rd, 2009 at 10:55 pm 20

    Wolverine makes 87 million. Way better than I expected. I thought the leak backlash would have hurt it’s box office but was I way wrong.

  21. RRA reviews WOLVERINE May 4th, 2009 at 12:53 am 21

    Dan – Yeah but notice that on Saturday and Sunday figures, the mother fucker dropped hard. I guess word of mediocre mouth spread like Herpes by then.

    I predicted 70, if for the massive workprint leak, but hey I was wrong too. Though I read somewhere that Fox thought it was gonna do 130 million.

    What shit is Fox smoking to seriously believe that?

  22. District 9 Trailer Kicks G.I. Joe Trailer’s Ass. Today in Film Bloggery 05/01/09 | The Movie Blog May 10th, 2009 at 4:33 am 22

    [...] President at Awards Daily has a beatific defense for ground he’s actually agog for G.I. Joe: I crapper candidly feature I aforementioned the [...]


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  • 82nd Oscar Ceremony

    Hosts: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin
    Producers: Adam Shankman, Bill Mechanic
    Director: Hamish Hamilton
    Music: Marc Shaiman

    Quentin Tarantino
    Pedro Almodovar

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    “I have just come from seeing Crazy Heart. I am always skeptical when it comes to award circles honoring veteran actors for a mediocre role, but in reality, it’s for their body of work. A sympathy vote. Before I saw Crazy Heart, Jeremy Renner clearly gave the best performance. I heard that Jeff Bridges’ character was a washed-up alcoholic country singer trying to clean his act up. Truly redundant and repulsive Oscar bait. I mean, that just reminds me of Robert Duvall winning for Tender Mercies! Alcoholics almost always guarantee an Oscar nomination, and perhaps even an Oscar! (Ray Milland in The Lost Weekend, Lee Marvin in Cat Ballou, Thomas Mitchell in Stagecoach, Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas). Now I’m not saying Jeff Bridges is a horrible actor. He’s a pretty good actor. I loved his earlier work, like The Last Picture Show and Thunderbolt and Lightfoot. Even in Starman, I found him hilarious (weird, right?). So, from word of mouth, I figured Jeff Bridges would not be all that great. I was wrong.

    Bridges put himself into this character so much, I almost forgot it was Jeff Bridges! I know, that’s hard to swallow, even for me! But he was on top of his game! Obviously, the movie had certain problems, but the movie was Jeff Bridges. Some may say his performance is subtle. True. It is a bit subtle. But it was just the little things Bridges does with his body movement, the way he speaks, his reaction to others, his singing (wow!), how he interacts with the little boy, how I looked deep into those tired blue eyes and saw the soul of this wrecked person. Bridges creates a character that you can believe. I mean, it IS easy to believe someone like Bridges playing this character, physically and otherwise. Along with my amazement Bad Blake come to life, I also pondered on the side of Bridges’ acting career as a whole, and put both the lives of Bridges and Blake and compared the two. The feeling was just too overwhelming.

    If Jeff Bridges wins the Oscar (and after seeing his performance, I am pretty sure he will), it will not be a sympathy vote. Jeff Bridges brings a complex character to life with that special king of magic persona he shoots off the screen. I am for Jeff Bridges winning the Oscar.”
    by Alliewayz
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    The Hurt Locker*+++**+++******
    Avatar*+********
    Inglourious Basterds***+****
    Up in the Air+*+*******
    Precious******
    District 9*****
    A Serious Man*****
    An Education*****
    Up****
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    Best Actor
    Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart++++*
    George Clooney, Up in the Air+*++***
    Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker**+*
    Colin Firth, A Single Man****
    Morgan Freeman, Invictus+***

    Best Actress
    Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side+++
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    Carey Mulligan, An Education+****
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    Helen Mirren, The Last Station**

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    Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds+++++++*
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    Matt Damon, Invictus***
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    Best Supporting Actress
    Mo'Nique, Precious+*+++++*
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    Penelope Cruz, Nine**
    Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart

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    Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker++++*++*
    Jim Cameron, Avatar*+**
    Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds****
    Jason Reitman, Up in the Air***
    Lee Daniels, Precious**

    Best Original Screenplay
    Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds+*
    Joel and Ethan Coen, A Serious Man+*+*
    Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker***
    Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Up*
    Oren Moverman, Alessandro Camo The Messenger

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    Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air+++++*
    Armando Iannucci, In the Loop+
    Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious**
    Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell, District 9**
    Nick Hornby, An Education*

    Best Editing

    Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua, James Cameron, Avatar+**
    Chris Innis, Bob Murawski, The Hurt Locker***
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    Michael Giacchino, Up+*
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    Ajami, Israel
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    Avatar+*
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    The Young Victoria**
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    Il Divo*


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    The Door
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    The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)
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    China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
    The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner
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    Music by Prudence
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