Vulture has done a rundown for things to say at parties to help fake your way through Oscar season. We already know that the early season has effectively taken the public out of the loop. After all, can the public really be trusted anymore? Just look at what God hath wrought at the multiplex this weekend. Sure, Gravity and Frozen are doing gangbuster business but …
Either way, Vulture has your cheat sheet ready to go. I think he lines of dialogue are very funny but I thought we could play along, know-it-alls that we are here at AwardsDaily. I’ll start and I’m looking for you chiming in.
Here is what to say at parties if you haven’t seen any of the nominees but don’t want to sound dumb (seriously, though, you should see them all – the Academy has picked nine good ones. Time to stop fucking around with Snapchat, and get thee to an arthouse – or do what all millennials do now, download – just kidding, don’t. I’m serious. I didn’t say that).
Best Picture
Sound smart: “It’s probably going to be a split year, something that hasn’t happened since they expanded the Best Picture race.”
“If 12 Years a Slave wins, it will be the fourth film to win in Oscar history with 9 nominations, following The Hurt Locker, An American in Paris and A Man for All Seasons.”
“I’m predicting a clean sweep for 12 Years a Slave. They did it with Return of the King and by God, they can do it with 12 Years.”
Dumb: Dude, they’re going to give it to August: Osage County
Best Director
Smart: “Everyone is predicting Alfonso Cuaron, and he’ll very likely win. He would be the first Mexican filmmaker to do so. But watch out for Steve McQueen to make even bigger history becoming the first black director to win – if so, expect a standing ovation, maybe tears. A long time coming, that.”
Dumb: “Steven Spielberg is going to win. He always wins. He has like ten Oscars.”
Best Actress
Smart: “Cate Blanchett is unbeatable at this point but watch out for Amy Adams. With four nominations for Hustle, someone is going to win – which of the four will it be?”
Dumb: They always give it to Meryl Streep. She’s won, like, ten Oscars.
Best Actor
Smart: “The momentum is with Matthew McConaughey but watch out for veteran Bruce Dern, who’s yet to win an Oscar and Chiwetel Ejiofor who carries the Best Picture frontrunner, 12 Years a Slave, and if it sweeps it could take Ejiofor with it, or even Leo.”
Dumb: Christian Bale gained a bunch of weight. He’s going to win.
Best Supporting Actress
Smart: “If Lupita Nyong’o wins that could signal an early sweep for 12 Years.”
Dumb: “They always give it to Jennifer Lawrence. She’s won like five Oscars already.”
Documentary Feature
Smart: “Nothing can beat The Act of Killing.”
Dumb: “Blackfish is going to win this one.”
The money shot
Smart: “The shorts, documentary and foreign are so hard to predict because voters can only vote if they’ve seen all of the nominees.”
Dumb: “Those shorts – you know people just pick whatever sounds serious.”
“I can’t read subtitles.”
Your turn!
