We tend to think that only queer and gay people born in unfortunate times or circumstances are the ones who suffer. In a love story between two men, a wife is often scorned and heartbroken, and the majority of the story isn’t concerned with her pain. Fellow Travelers not only gives Allison Williams’ Lucy Smith Fuller the space to grieve, but she is given control to turn the page on her own narrative. In a career-defining performance by Allison Williams, Lucy learns first-hand what it takes to be the one to say goodbye.
I couldn’t help but wonder how comfortable Lucy is in her own home. She and Matt Bomer’s Hawk have built themselves a beautiful, enviable life together–one that is photographed and obsessed over–but their marriage holds multiple secrets. Lucy learns of Hawk’s indiscretions typically alone, and it seeps into her psyche. Is any place that she and Hawk share together truly just theirs?
“That’s a beautiful question, and I honestly thought about that at any given moment in our story,” Williams says. “One of the limitations of only have eight episodes is that we didn’t get to see a lot of the happy times. Matt [Bomer] and I spoke a lot with Ron [Nyswaner] about the years of Hawk and Lucy’s marriage that was connected and intimate. One vignette that I also picture in the ’80s is them coming home from a dinner, taking off their shoes, collapsing onto the couch, sharing a cigarette and a pint of ice cream and watching some TV. I think they had many, many years of that where they were grandparents, and mourning their son together. They are the only two people who could understand that specific pain for each other.
After his return from Fire Island, however he came back to her, it made them stronger than they ever had been. Throughout the show, there are these breaking points where he goes too far and Lucy puts him back in line. For those years, Lucy could live her life, and Hawk could be thoughtful enough to not be sloppy or not make her think about it. I think she could live their life and love what they had and she wouldn’t feel like she was constantly eavesdropping. For a good portion of their marriage, he wasn’t making those phone calls, and, because of that, that paranoid voice could get smaller and smaller. Then something would happen and, boom, she is back to dealing with that. Each of those moments, she’s faced with whether she can find joy with this man with limitations in their relationship. I loved thinking about that, because that answer changes depending on where they are in their relationship. I understood her.”
There is a natural closeness so pure and baked into the chemistry between Williams and Bomer that we soon realize how long these two characters have know each other. They were parts of each other’s lives for decades, and they watched each other grow up. Maybe they didn’t even realize it.
“With growing up and having him around, she also would’ve witnessed him coming back from the war badly injured,” she says. “We discussed it internally, and we thought he would recover at the Smith house. She would’ve known him as being vulnerable to that. It’s not common for her to see that in Hawk. Lucy would’ve trusted her dad to help Hawk to get better. I always remember that. In middle schools, I thought about brothers of girls that I grew up with, and seeing them go through the most awkward moments of your lives sort of bonds you. There are so many things that tie them together.”
In addition to queer stories often leaving straight women behind is the natural temptation to show that the husband didn’t have true feelings for his wife. He uses her out of fear, and their lives are a sham. Hawk loves Lucy–there is no doubt about that. His love for Tim is an “addition to” instead of a “rather than” when it comes to thinking of she and Tim as potential partners.
“I’ve seen the version where people are in a make believe relationship where they are numbing each other in any way they can,” Williams says. “Those relationships are, ultimately, about them hating each other and not love. For the lack of therapy that they have, they did their best. I remember hearing about a famous therapist–it might be Esther Perel–saying that the one thing that she looked for in new clients to see if they were going to make it through their problems was mutual respect. It’s interesting that most people think sexual chemistry or laughing together is the most important, but Lucy and Hawk have enormous respect for each other. Lucy grew up seeing Hawk around her house, because he knew her brother and then he transitioned into being the guy that could make everything okay for her dad. She idolized that about him. She started seeing her brother mess up constantly, but then she saw Hawk shining. When I think about that being her context for him, what greater faith could she have in a person? For Hawk, this is the family he chose, and she is just inextricably woven into that. They are in each other’s cells–they grew together. Deep love and that history is only strengthened by what they go through as a couple like the loss of her father and the death of their son.”
The hospital scene between Lucy and Tim remains a highlight of the year. In the first episode, when she learns that Tim is in the hospital, she asks her husband, ‘Is he dying?’ On some dark level is she satisfied that a man whose shadow she has been afraid to acknowledge will no longer exist? Everything about Lucy in that hospital room sticks out: the jingling of her purse strap, her Chanel suit–it’s very Nancy Reagan adjacent even though she is careful to remind Tim that it’s not wise to judge a book by its cover. There is a moment, when she is leaving, that Lucy fully understands her placement in her own marriage, and it gives her the fortitude to have a tough conversation with her husband. It’s hard to imagine that scene between her and Hawk in the hotel without the scene between her and Tim in his hospital room.
“What she kind of admits or even if it’s not in the script, she doesn’t know why she is there. Over the course of their conversation, maybe she doesn’t find a ton of clarity, but, for me, it was quite simple. On the way out of the room, she sees Hawk’s dopp kit and his shirt and a cot. Looking over at that, she realizes how much he loves this man. If it were her, that cot might be for her daughter but not for Hawk. Hawk has a kind of love for Tim that transcends and is deeper than the one that they have for each other. It’s the sight of his things there that is to clarifying for her. She’s uneasy the moment she steps off the elevator and she spends maybe twenty minutes there, and she doesn’t know how safe or clean it is as many people thought at the time. She is probably feeling eager to leave, especially for how heavy and devastating it would’ve been. With all the sounds of devastation around her, it clicked in my mind for Lucy.
When I filmed the goodbye scene with Matt, I thought a lot about that cot and seeing Hawk’s things in that setting. She has to wonder what she is doing. I think she felt how impossible to think of her husband in there…sleeping on this creaky cot and surrounded by people that are dying. He could only do this for someone he was completely in love with. I also think there was a part, in speaking with Tim, that feels like that Hawk owes Tim. We played it a bunch of ways to the extent of Hawk owing Tim a commitment. I still think about that. After her resentment cools and lowers to a simmer, I think that would feel good to her.”
Fellow Travelers is streaming now on Paramount+.
